Filed under: Work & Career
Attention
Try this: introduce yourself at a party without mentioning your kids. For a lot of us, it takes a second longer than it should. Not because we don’t have other things going on, but because “mom” has been the loudest, most constant role for so long that the others got quiet.
That’s not a flaw. It’s just what happens when you pour yourself into something for two decades. But as the house empties out a little, it’s worth asking the question underneath it: who else have you been this whole time?
Rediscovering Your Identity After Kids Leave Home
I think a lot about belonging, to a role, a family, a team, an identity, because I’ve had to rebuild my own sense of it more than once, moving from an entry-level AP desk to a seat at the leadership table. Every time the role changed, I had to figure out who I was inside the new version of myself, not just what my new title said on paper.
The empty nest is its own version of that. The role of “mom” doesn’t disappear. It just gets quieter, and something in you has to expand to fill the rest of the space. That’s not always comfortable. Comfortable would be staying exactly who you’ve been.
Desire
This is where I’d point you to Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown. It’s not a parenting book or an empty-nest book on the surface. It’s about the deeper, harder work of belonging to yourself first, even when that means standing a little apart from the roles and groups that used to define you completely.
It’s the book I’d hand to any woman who feels like she’s supposed to have an easy answer to “so what do you do now?” and doesn’t, and who’s ready to stop apologizing for that.
Action
If the question “who am I outside of this role” has been sitting with you, let this book keep you company while you sit with it.
Shop this month’s Work & Career book club picks →
FAQ
How do I find myself again after being a stay-at-home or hands-on mom for years?
Start by noticing what you’re curious about now, not what you used to be interested in before kids. Identity rebuilds through small, current signals, not old ones.
Is it normal to not know who I am outside of motherhood?
Completely normal, and more common than it feels in the moment. The role doesn’t disappear, it just gets quieter, which leaves room to ask what else has been there all along.
What are signs of an identity crisis after kids leave home?
Feeling unsure how to introduce yourself, losing interest in things that used to matter, or feeling oddly guilty about wanting time for yourself are all common signals worth paying attention to, not ignoring.
Read next: Finally Building Something of Your Own
Discover more from Amie.from.here
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
